My Love Hate Relationship with Quito

It seems that most times I am flying over Quito my eyes are filled with tears. When I left a year and a half ago I was crying tears of sadness that the life I lived for that year in Quito would never exist again, I felt like i was dying to my Ecuadorian life. This time the familiarity of the city and a rush of good memories came back to me filling me with joy to be returning. As I stepped off the plane I was immediately greeted with a rush of cold Andean air and the smell of Quito. You know how all cities often have their own smell? It was all so familiar. I was met by my host mom and Ferny, the oldest brother. It was awkward for about 3 minutes and then it just felt completely normal again, as if nothing had changed. I was welcomed back into the comfortable home I had lived in for 10 months and although initially I wasn't sleeping in my old room because the Pitzer student was still there, it still felt like nothing had changed, like I had never left. 


Moments into my stay however the love hate sentiments I feel for Quito came back to me. I love Quito because of all the amazing good times and for how much my experience here changed me. In a certain way, I think of my life as before Ecuador and after Ecuador. Its hard to pinpoint the exact things that changed me but I certainly developed and keener sense of myself and a deeper self confidence, an ability to show people and be myself honestly and without shame. I felt a freedom here that I had never felt before, and it was an important way to live for that period of time. I love Quito because I have an amazing family and group of friends here. I love Quito because it is beautifully placed in the middle of large grandiose mountains and has a true Andean feel and deep indigenous influence. I love the Mariscal and going out in Quito, its amazing how at home i feel wandering around La Plaza Foch. This past weekend it was insane how many people recognized me. A bartender in my favorite bar walked up to me and gave me a huge hug, earlier in the same bar (the first bar i walk into in la mariscal) there is my favorite Colombian chilling in the corner, i go up to him he looks at me smiles gives me a huge hug and responds "wow you're so much smaller..." haha thanks i guess. We spent the rest of the night drinking, catching up and talking about Colombia and Ecuador. In that same bar a beautiful afro-Ecuadorian guy was eyeing me. I was pleased of course, and then he came up to me and said "regresaste" (you returned) i looked at him as i didn't really recognize him and he went on to explain that he was from Atacames. We had met in Atacames when I was with Elvis and he had danced samba in this bar one night when I was there. I love Quito because its such a small city and crazy coincidences happen all the time. I love Quito because the artisan products are amazing and gorgeous, Colombia has none of that going on. I went to the market today and was overwhelmed by the beautiful products. I realized that I may not be returning to Ecuador for a while so I might as well stock up on beautiful tapestries, table clothes, napkins etc. for my future houses and to have found memories of the beautifully colorful country Ecuador is. I love Quito because I have forgotten about all the delicious traditional foods there are, I think Ecuador is winning in the food category.. although i do love arepas. I love Quito because in a strange way it feels like home. 


I hate Quito because its so polluted, everyday i have black boogers. I hate Quito because it takes FOREVER to get anywhere and its never easy. I hate Quito because busses are always so ridiculously packed. I hate Quito because every man I pass on the street says something, whistles, honks or makes some sound (way worse than in Colombia... haven't come up with a theory about that yet). I hate Quito because I get extreme side walk rage as people move super slow and I naturally move quickly plus I'm tall with long legs. I hate Quito because surprisingly there isn't THAT much to do other than party (really realizing that now...) I hate Quito because of the poverty, inequality and racism that is smashed into your face everyday. Truth is, after living here for a while you get used to it, and the question is it that a good thing or a bad thing? Its amazing how accustomed I am to having empleadas in the house, and poor people and children begging you to clean your shoes. I hate Quito because there are so many gringo travelers who act so stupid and ignorant and some who don't even speak Spanish. I've been amazed at how many more gringos and tourists i see in Quito than in Medellín. 


The truth is that I really do love Quito. There are just many small little things about Quito that I can easily criticize and that easily frustrate an extranjera. I love Quito because I feel like I understand it in many ways, and in its own way it understands me. 


I've been overwhelmed in thinking about the many small yet real differences between Ecuador and Colombia. From an outside perspective they are very similar, but when you know the two countries or one of the two, the differences are countless. The biggest differences can be boiled down to a few things. 1) The indigenous influence in Ecuador is so strong and important and a reason for many of the problems and inequalities but also the beauty and uniqueness of the country. 
2) Colombia is way more developed than Ecuador. Surprising but true. Then again Colombia is rich with drug money and support from the United States. They have also not been in a million wars that have put them deeply into debt and had 8 different constitutions in 10 years.
3) Colombians are beautiful. This makes them super vain, especially Paisas and Paisa Women above all. But although I know and see some gorgeous Ecuadorians, the Colombian beauty especially in women is breathtaking. 
4) Ecuadorians have a higher level of English. My theory here is because Colombia has been so shut off from the world (tourism and business speaking) that there has been less reason to learn English. Furthermore, it is extremely difficult for a Colombian to get a visa to any country in the world (getting easier but still difficult) therefore, there are less opportunities to live and work abroad therefore less incentive to learn another language. 
5) Ecuadorians appear more machista. Its really hard to measure the levels of machismo, but I do have some experience with this having written my thesis on this topic. On the surface, meaning piropos in the streets and respect for women, Colombia is definitely slightly more educated in this respect. Again, I cannot exactly pinpoint the reason for why I get many more cat calls on the streets of Quito than in Medellín but its definitely true. In fact I get way more attention here in Quito in general. I used to walked into a bar or disco and literally be grabbed at. I couldn't get away from Ecuadorians, but in Colombia at times I hardly feel noticed. 
6) Racism. My friends in Colombia are often shocked by the level of racism expressed by Colombians. To me I've been impressed by the lack of racism. I have witnessed way less racism in Colombia than in Ecuador. I think this is because there is less of an inferior indigenous population and in general Colombia is just must more racially mixed. You see people with bright blue eyes and red or blonde hair in Colombia.. and they aren't Meg, Elly and I. They are true Colombians. Of course the social hierarchy and general system is racist, but Ecuador is a different story.


Regardless of the differences, I still cannot really answer the question "which do you like better?" Some days I answer with Ecuador and other days with Colombia. The truth is that my experiences in both places are super unique. I am a different person now than I was in Ecuador and my life in Colombia (although it has its similarities) is very different. Both countries hold a special place in my heart, and both countries have taught me very valuable life experiences that I will hold onto forever. 


As I mentioned before, I cried and cried leaving Ecuador in June 2010 knowing that I would never get that experience back. It would never be the same. This return trip has proven that to be true, but not entirely. Sure, I don't have my dear gringo study abroad friends to explore the city with, and who are available and willing to do something at all points of the day. I don't have gringos to tell about the crazy thing that happened on the bus, or in the mariscal last night, or the story my empleada told me at lunch. True, I am a different person now, more mature and more independent (and los jibaros certainly pointed that out). But, as I said there is still a feeling of sameness, as if I had never left. I still have the most fun partying in the Mariscal. I still kind of feel like a rock star here. I still love Next Level (which is now The Attic) I still love going to rugby games and hanging out with the Jibaros. I still love my host family and everything involving them: having dinner, playing with Jose, tickling Jose, talking to Ferny about life, laughing at my brothers (mainly jose), talking to Jaime about interesting cultural and scientific facts, cuddling with my mom on her bed watching telenovelas, telling my mom the truth of every detail of the night before, or my most recent love interest, chatting with my host dad about politics or cultural differences or food, hearing stories from Luzmilda (our maid's) past, waking up from the boys getting ready for colegio and being able to fall back asleep and the general comfort and welcoming atmosphere that I feel in this house. I still know my way around the city and how to get almost everywhere on public transportation. I still have to control myself when I walk into the artisan market. And lastly I still enjoy just being here. I haven't done much the past week and it feels so good. I don't feel the need to run around the city and see all the touristy things, i've done it all and most of them aren't that exciting. I came to Ecuador to spend a week in Quito with my family, because they really are my family. Its the holidays and that is what the holidays are all about. I've been thoroughly enjoying just being. And that my friends is something I strive to do everything single day of my life, somedays are better than others, but somehow here, in this country, in this city, in this house I can just BE and I'm ok with it. 

Some photos from my Ecuador trip so far...

Jair, Pablo, Edison and I at Santiago's house Saturday night

pablito and i

Edison and I and Juanka and the trophy!

juanka and i (he had a spill)

Tomorrow morning at 11 I will meet up with Juan, Cynthia, Andreas and Mateo in the Quito Airport to fly to Cuenca to spend christmas with Juan's family there. I am so grateful that they have invited me to spend christmas with them and so happy that I will have people from Elk to be my family for the holidays. I am also super excited to see Cuenca, I never went when i lived here years ago and many people have told me its a beautiful city! More updates from the trip to come... probably not until early January since I am leaving my computer behind in Quito so has not to lose it. :) 

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! So thankful to have all of you in my life. <3 <3 <3